Friendship is one of the most precious gifts we can share in life. Whether we’re walking through moments of joy or seasons of struggle, having someone by our side who makes us feel seen, valued, and cared for is transformative. While much attention is often given to the “red flags” in relationships — signs that someone may not have our best interests at heart — let’s pause and focus on the positive: the green flags. These are the qualities that signal someone is a kind, trustworthy, and supportive friend.
The graphic above beautifully highlights four powerful “green flags” that can help us recognize when we’re in the presence of a fantastic friend. These traits help foster healthier connections and nurture our personal growth and emotional well-being. In detail, let’s explore these four green flags and why they’re vital to building life-giving friendships.
1. They Support Your Goals
True friends believe in your dreams as much as you do — sometimes even more. They cheer for your successes and stand with you during setbacks. They don’t feel threatened by your ambition or growth and never belittle your aspirations. Instead, they offer genuine encouragement and practical support, whether helping you brainstorm ideas, attending events, or simply being a safe space to share your fears and triumphs.
Why This Matters:
Empowerment: A friend supporting your goals permits you to dream big and pursue your passions unapologetically.
Authenticity: Supportive friendships allow us to express our whole selves, including our ambitions, without fear of judgment.
Mutual Growth: When friends champion each other’s goals, it fosters a culture of shared inspiration and success.
Reflection Questions:
Who in your life uplifts you and makes you feel capable of reaching your dreams?
How do you show up for the people you care about when they’re working toward their goals?
Supporting someone’s goals doesn’t mean solving their problems or taking on their burdens. It means walking alongside them, reminding them they’re not alone, and celebrating every step forward, no matter how small.
2. They Laugh With You, Not At You
Laughter is a powerful connector. A friend who laughs with you creates joy, shared understanding, and light-heartedness. They never use humor to put you down or make you the punchline of a joke. Instead, they create an atmosphere where you can let loose and be yourself without fear of embarrassment or ridicule.
Why This Matters:
Emotional Safety: When laughter comes from a place of kindness and mutual understanding, it strengthens the bond between friends.
Stress Relief: Humor can be an incredible tool for coping with life’s challenges, and having someone to laugh with can make even tough days feel a little lighter.
Validation: Being able to share joy reminds us that we’re valued for who we are — quirks, flaws, and all.
Reflection Questions:
Do you feel safe being your unfiltered, silly self around your friends?
Have you ever been in a situation where someone’s jokes left you feeling hurt rather than uplifted? How did you address it?
The laughter that comes from love and respect is a gift. It creates a shared language of connection and reminds us that even in life’s messiest moments, there’s always space for joy.
3. They Make You Feel Heard
How often have you shared something important only to feel brushed off or misunderstood? A true friend listens — listens — with empathy and care. They don’t interrupt or try to “fix” things unless you ask. Instead, they hold space for you, validating your feelings and offering their presence without judgment.
Why This Matters:
Connection: Feeling heard fosters a deeper intimacy and trust in relationships.
Healing: When we can share our struggles and joys without fear of dismissal, it helps us process emotions and move forward.
Respect: A good listener demonstrates that your thoughts and feelings are valued and respected.
Reflection Questions:
Think about a recent conversation where you felt truly heard. What did the other person do to make you feel that way?
How can you improve your listening skills in your friendships?
Active listening is a skill; like any skill, it takes practice. Whether it’s putting away your phone during conversations or resisting the urge to give unsolicited advice, being present for your friends can make a world of difference.
4. They Make You Feel Safe
Friendship should be a refuge — a place where you can be vulnerable without fear of judgment or betrayal. An awesome friend makes you feel emotionally and sometimes even physically safe. They respect your boundaries, honor your trust, and provide comfort in times of need. When life feels overwhelming, they’re the person you turn to because you know they’ll respond with compassion and care.
Why This Matters:
Emotional Security: Feeling safe in a friendship allows us to share our authentic selves without fear of rejection.
Resilience: Having a friend who offers steady, non-judgmental support can help us navigate life’s challenges more confidently.
Love in Action: Safety is a form of love that says, “I care about your well-being, and I’ll protect our connection.”
Reflection Questions:
Who makes you feel safe to share your deepest thoughts and fears?
How do you create a safe space for the people you care about?
Safety doesn’t mean solving all of someone’s problems; it means creating an environment where they know they’re not alone. It’s in the quiet presence during difficult times, the hugs when words fall short, and the trust that’s built through consistent care.
Cultivating Friendships That Last
While recognizing these green flags in others is important, reflecting on how we show up as friends is crucial. True friendships are reciprocal. They thrive when both parties commit to kindness, vulnerability, and respect. Here are a few ways to nurture these qualities in your relationships:
1. Practice Empathy
Empathy is the cornerstone of strong friendships. It means putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and imagining how they might feel. Empathy allows us to respond with compassion even when we don’t fully understand their experiences.
2. Celebrate Diversity
Every friend brings something unique to the table. Embrace differences in background, perspective, and personality. These differences enrich our lives and teach us to grow in love and understanding.
3. Communicate Openly
Healthy friendships thrive on honest communication. Share your needs and boundaries, and encourage your friends to do the same. Misunderstandings are natural, but addressing them with humility and kindness can strengthen your bond.
4. Prioritize Quality Time
Life gets busy, but carving out time for the people who matter most is essential. Whether it’s a deep conversation over coffee, a quick check-in via text, or a fun outing, these moments help maintain connection.
5. Offer Grace
No one is perfect. We all make mistakes or fall short at times. Offering forgiveness and grace, when appropriate, can help friendships endure through challenges.
The Ripple Effect of Healthy Friendships
When we surround ourselves with people who embody these green flags, it enriches our lives and ripples out into our communities. Healthy friendships inspire us to be better friends, partners, and neighbors. They remind us that we’re not alone, even in our struggles, and they show us what’s possible when we approach relationships with love and respect.
If you’re reading this and feeling a longing for friendships like this, know that you’re not alone. Building meaningful relationships takes time, patience, and courage. Start small: reach out to someone who makes you feel good, set an intention to be more present in your interactions, and seek out spaces where kindness and connection are celebrated.
You Deserve Healthy Friendships
At the heart of it all is this simple truth: you deserve to be surrounded by people who support your goals, laugh with you, listen to you, and make you feel safe. These are the hallmarks of love and respect, and they are your birthright as a human being. Whether you’re just beginning to cultivate deeper friendships or are celebrating the amazing ones you already have, remember that every step toward connection is a step toward a richer, more fulfilling life.
Closing Invitation
If this reflection on green flags resonated with you, I invite you to continue exploring what healthy, life-giving relationships look like in your life. As a pastoral counselor and chaplain, I’m here to walk with you as you navigate the complexities of relationships, self-discovery, and spiritual growth. Whether seeking deeper friendships, healing from past hurts, or simply longing for connection, you’re not alone. Let’s journey together.
Feel free to seek guidance, support, or just a listening ear. You are worthy of love, joy, and connection — in all its beautiful forms.
Here is a curated list of reputable resources to further explore the qualities of healthy friendships and their impact on well-being:
Mayo Clinic: Friendships: Enrich Your Life and Improve Your Health
This article discusses the importance of friendships and offers tips on building and maintaining healthy relationships.
Psychology Today: The 13 Essential Traits of Good Friends
An exploration of key characteristics that define a good friend, providing insights into building stronger connections.
Read more
Verywell Mind: How to Be a Good Friend
This resource offers practical advice on how to cultivate and maintain meaningful friendships.
Read more
HelpGuide: Making Good Friends
A comprehensive guide on the benefits of friendships and strategies to develop new connections.
Read more
Greater Good Science Center: The Science of Friendship
An in-depth look at the psychological and physiological benefits of friendships, supported by scientific research.
Read more
Therapist Aid: Relationship Green Flags Worksheet
A practical worksheet designed to help individuals identify positive qualities in relationships, useful for self-reflection and growth.
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): Building Better Relationships
Guidance on fostering healthy relationships, emphasizing the role of communication and mutual respect.
Read more
American Psychological Association (APA): The Role of Friendship in Psychological Well-Being
An article exploring how friendships contribute to mental health and overall well-being.
These resources offer valuable insights and practical advice for understanding and nurturing the green flags that signify truly awesome friendships.
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