When your child comes out as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, it can be a moment of surprise, confusion, or even anxiety for many Christian parents. However, what it shouldn’t be—under any circumstances—is a moment of rejection or alienation. Rather, it is a sacred moment, an opportunity to respond with love, empathy, and understanding, as Christ himself has always shown us.
As a person of faith deeply committed to Christ’s teachings, I have had many parents come to me, unsure of how to handle this revelation in their child’s life. They often ask, “What does God want me to do?” or “What does the Bible say about my child being gay or trans?” These are valid questions, but it’s important to approach them from a place of compassion and with a critical understanding of scripture and history.
In this blog, I hope to provide insight into how Christian parents should respond when their child comes out, what Christ teaches us about love, acceptance, and understanding, and how rejecting a child based on their sexual orientation or gender identity is not only unbiblical but also dangerous for their mental health. I’ll also touch on the often-misunderstood interpretations of scripture related to homosexuality, the historical context of certain translations, and what our sacred texts truly convey about loving one another.
Let’s dive in.
What Does It Mean to Come Out?
Before we dive into theology, let’s clarify what “coming out” means.
Coming out is the process of recognizing, accepting, and disclosing one's sexual orientation or gender identity to others. It is often a difficult, deeply personal decision, influenced by societal pressures, cultural norms, and, in many cases, a fear of rejection—especially from family.
For many LGBTQIA+ individuals, coming out is a significant moment of vulnerability. Imagine, for a moment, that you have been carrying a part of yourself in secret for years, feeling afraid of how the people you love the most—your parents—might react. You hope for acceptance, but you fear rejection. The stakes are high because family is often the most important support system we have.
This is why the way parents respond is so critical.
The Christian Parent's Response: A Call to Love
First and foremost, we must understand that love is at the heart of everything Christ taught us. “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another” (John 13:34). This is not a suggestion—it’s a command. Christ’s entire ministry was grounded in love, compassion, and inclusion. He broke bread with the marginalized, embraced the outcasts, and called on his followers to do the same.
When your child comes out, the appropriate Christian response is to listen, love, and support. Rejection or condemnation is not a Christ-like response. Instead, we are called to walk with them, just as Christ walks with us in our journeys, no matter how complex or challenging they may be.
What Does the Bible Really Say?
One of the most common concerns I hear from Christian parents is that the Bible condemns homosexuality. However, this interpretation is not as straightforward as it seems.
First, it’s important to note that the word “homosexuality” did not appear in the Bible until 1946. The original Hebrew and Greek texts do not contain a word that directly translates to “homosexual.” The passages often cited, such as those in Leviticus or Corinthians, have historically been interpreted and translated in ways that reflect the cultural and social biases of the time rather than the original context.
In fact, many biblical scholars now recognize that the verses often used to condemn LGBTQIA+ individuals are more about sexual exploitation and abuse rather than loving, consensual relationships between people of the same sex.
Take the story of Sodom and Gomorrah, for example. This is one of the most commonly cited stories used to justify homophobia, but a closer reading reveals that the sin of Sodom was not about homosexuality; it was about inhospitality, violence, and the attempted sexual assault of strangers. Ezekiel 16:49 clarifies the true nature of Sodom’s sin: “Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy.” It had nothing to do with sexual orientation.
Historical Context: 1946 and the Modern Misinterpretation
In 1946, when the Revised Standard Version (RSV) of the Bible was published, the word "homosexual" was inserted into certain passages. This was not a reflection of the original texts, but rather an interpretation influenced by the social climate of the time. Homosexuality was criminalized, and there was widespread ignorance and fear about what it meant to be gay.
This translation has since been challenged by many scholars who argue that the original language does not condemn same-sex relationships but rather exploitative or abusive acts. It is crucial to understand that our sacred texts must be read in their proper historical and cultural contexts. Scripture was not written in modern-day America or Western Europe, and we must be careful not to project our contemporary understandings of sexuality onto ancient texts.
The Desert Fathers and Mothers: Embracing the Marginalized
The Desert Fathers and Mothers, early Christian monastics who sought to live lives of radical discipleship in the deserts of Egypt and the Middle East, offer another perspective on how we might approach the LGBTQIA+ community as Christians. These early Christian mystics were known for their deep commitment to hospitality, humility, and compassion. They saw Christ in the faces of the marginalized and rejected.
In one famous story, a Desert Father, Abba Moses, was asked to judge a fellow monk who had sinned. Rather than condemn the man, Abba Moses took a leaking jug filled with water and said, "My sins run out behind me, and I do not see them, and yet today I come to judge the sins of another." The message is clear: We are all sinners, and none of us is in a position to judge others. Our call is to love, not to condemn.
If we take this approach seriously, it becomes clear that rejecting or condemning a child for their sexual orientation or gender identity is not only unbiblical but also antithetical to the teachings of Christ and the Desert Fathers and Mothers. We are called to love, support, and walk with our children, not cast them out.
The Mental Health Impact of Rejection
Rejecting a child when they come out can have devastating consequences on their mental health. Studies consistently show that LGBTQIA+ youth who experience rejection from their families are at a significantly higher risk for depression, anxiety, and suicide. According to a study by the Family Acceptance Project, LGBTQIA+ youth who are highly rejected by their families are more than eight times as likely to attempt suicide compared to those who are accepted.
As parents, it is our responsibility to ensure the well-being of our children—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Rejecting them for who they are not only harms their mental health but also creates a deep spiritual wound. Christ’s message was always one of healing, not harm. We must ask ourselves: How can we call ourselves followers of Christ if we are causing harm to our children?
Being LGBTQIA+ Is Not a Psychological Disorder
It’s important to note that being LGBTQIA+ is not a psychological disorder. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), the primary classification system for mental health conditions in the United States, removed homosexuality as a mental disorder in 1973. Gender dysphoria, the distress some transgender individuals experience regarding their gender identity, is not about being transgender itself but about the incongruence between one’s physical body and gender identity. It’s the distress that is treated, not the identity.
Our role as parents and as Christians is not to “fix” our LGBTQIA+ children because there is nothing broken about them. Instead, we are called to embrace them as they are, just as God made them.
What Does the Divine Command?
So, what does the Divine command us to do as parents?
The answer is simple: love.
In the Gospels, we see Jesus consistently standing with the marginalized and the outcasts. Whether it was the woman caught in adultery, the lepers, or the tax collectors, Jesus always responded with love and inclusion. He challenged the religious leaders who sought to exclude and judge. If we are to follow in his footsteps, we must do the same with our LGBTQIA+ children.
There is no greater commandment than to love the Lord your God with all your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:36-40). Our children are our neighbors. We are called to love them as we love ourselves, with compassion, patience, and understanding.
What You Can Do as a Parent
If your child comes out to you, here are some practical steps you can take to ensure you are responding in a way that is loving, supportive, and Christ-like:
Listen without judgment: Your child has likely spent a long time thinking about whether and how to come out to you. Honor their bravery by listening with an open heart and without judgment.
Educate yourself: There are many resources available to help parents understand more about what it means to be LGBTQIA+. This is an opportunity for you to learn and grow alongside your child.
Seek support: It’s okay to feel confused or overwhelmed. Reach out to supportive communities, whether it’s your church, a counselor, or an LGBTQIA+ affirming support group. You don’t have to go through this alone.
Be patient: It may take time to fully understand your child’s identity, and that’s okay. The most important thing is that your child knows they are loved unconditionally.
Pray for guidance: Ask God to guide you in this journey. Pray for the wisdom to love your child as Christ loves them.
Conclusion: A Path Forward in Love
As Christian parents, we are called to love our children unconditionally. When your child comes out as LGBTQIA+, it’s not a time for rejection, fear, or judgment. It’s a time to lean into the teachings of Christ, to listen, and to love. Our sacred texts, when understood in their proper context, do not condemn LGBTQIA+ people. Instead, they call us to radical hospitality, inclusion, and compassion.
Rejecting a child based on their sexual orientation or gender identity is not only unbiblical—it’s harmful. Our role as parents is to protect and nurture our children, ensuring their mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.
Let us walk in love, as Christ walked, and ensure that our homes are places of safety, acceptance, and unconditional love.
References
Family Acceptance Project (2009). Family rejection as a predictor of negative health outcomes in LGBTQ young adults. Pediatrics, 123(1), 346-352.
Ezekiel 16:49, Holy Bible.
John 13:34, Holy Bible.
Matthew 22:36-40, Holy Bible.
Drescher, J. (2015). Out of DSM: Depathologizing Homosexuality. Behavioral Sciences, 5(4), 565–575.
Scroggs, R. (1983). The New Testament and Homosexuality: Contextual Background for Contemporary Debate. Fortress Press.
#LGBTQIA #ChristianLove #Parenting #FaithAndAcceptance #MentalHealth #InclusiveChristianity #PastoralCare #Compassion
The views expressed are those of Father Justin Hurtado, PhD, OSB, and are for spiritual guidance only. They do not constitute medical, psychological, or legal advice. Please consult a licensed professional for any health or legal concerns
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